[With utter confidence, Ayumu Tojo brings information about Kyubei's frightening plans...]
[Gintoki and his friends are hired to stop Kyubei. What will become of Kyubei's XXX?!]
A journal of the Young Master's growth...by Ayumu Tojo.
December 1.
Today, as always, the proper Young Master is noble, dignified and lovely.
Since that incident, her expression seems softer.
Tae-dono's presence has much to do with it.
Despite that scandal, she still maintains a deep friendship with the Young Master as she always has.
I have a heartfelt admiration for the deepness of her tolerance.
It is truly heartwarming to see two blooming young ladies
of marriageable age walking together in such a friendly manner.
The Young Master is a girl, after all.
I have taken a long time to get to my point,
but I wish for the Young Master to find her happiness as a girl.
December 2.
As a slight hint, I placed a Gothic Lolita dress in the Young Master's room.
She burned it.
December 4.
The curtain rail above her curtain came loose, so I went to Loft.
[Note: Loft is a Shibuya, Tokyo based homeowner's department store that carries a variety of household goods.]
December 7.
The time appeared ripe. So I left a Gothic Lolita dress...
She blew it up.
December 10.
The curtain rail above her curtain came loose, so I went to Loft.
December 12.
I left a nurse's costume...
She blew it up.
December 14. The curtain rail above her curtain...
She blew it up.
To anyone reading this journal.
The fact that you are reading this means that I am probably no longer of this world.
However, I believe you can certainly understand my feelings for the Young Master.
I implore you to see my will through...
and make...the Young Master...into a fine young woman...
December 15.
The curtain rail above her curtain came loose, so I went to Loft.
["The Most Exciting Part of a Group Date is Before it Starts"]
What the heck is this? A journal of the Young Master's growth?
How much free time do you have?
There's nothing in here except how you harassed Kyubei-san and went back and forth from Loft.
What's your obsession with the curtain guy?
Well, there were battles with the Anti-Yagyu and other things,
but it wasn't worth putting in the journal.
The curtain guy was even more irrelevant!
I came to ask you because I thought you might be able to help,
being that you know the Young Master's complicated circumstances.
Could you please lend a hand?
It's difficult for us to do anything precisely because we do know the circumstances.
You want someone who was brought up as a man to suddenly become a woman?
If someone told you to become a woman from today, could you do it?
Huh?
Come back after you've cut your wang off.
Farewell, Ayumu.
Hello, Aya!
[Note: Aya Tojo is one of the heroines from Strawberry 100%, whose name, Tojo, is based off of.]
Wait! Wait! Okay! We get that you're serious!!
So, what does her father and grandfather have to say?
They both say to let nature take its course.
The best thing to do is to let the Young Master do as she wishes.
The two of them feel responsible for making her that way, even if they did it to protect her.
That guilt prevents them from taking a strong stand with the Young Master,
and you could say that's what caused the previous incident.
That's why I have to do something!
If the Young Master, despite being a woman,
avoids men and only chases after women, then can she really become happy?!
No!
I understand where you're coming from,
but a hundred people have found a hundred different ways to happiness, right?
If Kyubei-san is happy, isn't it wrong for outsiders to make a fuss about it?
There's no time for that!
Keep quiet, softie!
Wait a minute! Why're you hitting me, Kagura?!
Because you tick me off! It felt like the time I watched "Shaberiba"!
[Note: Shaberiba is a debate/discussion forum TV show.]
It's a race against time.
When I was placing a Gothic Lolita costume in the Young Master's room, I found this.
Plastic surgery?
Could she be looking at...
Reconstructive surgery?!
Below that face...?!
Is she planning to erect a filthy Tower of Babel?!
A filthy Tower of Babel? You all have one.
I'll pay you any amount.
I'm asking you once more as a man.
Can I ask for your help in preventing her from erecting a Tower of Babel?
Let's have a group date.
A group date?
It's not going to be easy to change someone who's been living as a man up until now.
But it may be easier to awaken her womanhood.
In other words, have her fall for a man!
That's the only way to prevent her from completing her Tower of Babel.
Round up...
some men. The chosen Babel warriors!
A group date? Don't be ridiculous.
What am I supposed to say to women I don't even know?
I'm a samurai, you know. I can't participate in such an immoral gathering.
Oh, miss! Won't you work at our club?
You could be our Number One in no time! I mean it. I'm serious!
Come on! What're you doing?!
You're the only one going to all these disreputable places!
What's with that "I did a good job" look?
Huh? A group date?
Yes. It's Gin-san's idea.
We'll put together a group on our side, so you'll need to round up some lookers.
My...how nasty. That man's using us as his excuse.
Kyubei-san, by all means, join us. It's a group date, but nothing nasty.
A group date? Is that like a group practice?
No, it's completely different.
You mustn't go! You can't go!
A group date is like a bleep. It's a sex party!
You mustn't. You absolutely must not.
Who's housekeeper are you?!
Stuff yourself in the ceiling and don't come down!
Kyubei, it's not like that. A group date is like a luncheon.
I see. So we join together after the meal?
That's not incorrect, but please stop that!
Kyu-chan, a group date is a fabulous opportunity to eat and run
without doing anything after making the men treat you to as much food as you want.
Sis! Stop referencing the woman's unabridged dictionary!
But it might be a good opportunity to become familiar with men.
What do you think, Kyu-chan? Want to go?
They're late.
Shinpachi, are you sure you invited them?
I did.
You don't look like you had any success, either.
Where are the Babel warriors?
Babel warriors, my foot!
You and all the others don't seem very enthusiastic.
At this rate, we'll be the ones who'll have to make a move on that kid.
Where's Tojo-san?
If he's around, Kyubei might read our intentions.
He put up a fuss, but I convinced him not to come.
Kagura...
You're our only hope.
Mix in among the women and find out how much they like us.
Remember what I taught you? You go with them to the ladies room and...
Tell me, tell me... Which guy do you like?
For me it's that silver-haired guy. With the naturally wavy hair. He's cute.
No, no. He's cuuute.
He's kyuuute.
No, it's cuute...
My café au lait went down the wrong pipe.
Kwuute...
That's not right. Didn't I just teach you?
Let's try that again. Ready...
If you're gonna do it, do it now. Zura.
If you're gonna do it, do it now Zura.
Joi is Joy!
[Note: Joi is another word for Anti-Foreigner Faction.]
Joy is Joi.
Now the chorus!
[Joi is...]
No! Sing it! Don't sign it!
I know you talk a lot when I'm not around!
Okay, one more time.
Okay...Joy!
Joy!
Oh.
Not "oh." What're you doing here?
You've got it all wrong. This has nothing to do with the group date.
I was trying to promote the Anti-Foreigner Faction via rap.
Shut up! You turned down my invitation and are having a great time!
Why'd you choose rap, of all things?
I don't get the significance. Go kick the bucket.
I beg you-kick the bucket.
It's not rap, it's Katsurap, yo.
[Note: Spoof of Sakurap. Rap by Sakurai from the boys band, Arashi.]
Katsurap my ass. I'll wrap you until you suffocate to death.
I keep telling you, I'm not!
Don't put me in with you. I'm not like you.
You're a stalker, too! A stalker, all right! I'm not.
I'm always watching over Gin-san!
I'm a fairy-like Tinker Bell! You're a specter-an idiot dick of a specter!
I'm a fairy, too! No, I mean Otae-san is a fairy! I'm her Peter Pan!
No, you're Putrid Pan!
[Note: Word play on Peter Pan and "pan" the Japanese word for bread.]
No! Peter's Pan!
That's just an ordinary pan!
Hey! Who's responsible?!
Who brought this idiot here? I really want to go home.
Why're you wearing a torn leather jacket on your shoulders?
Are you hot, or are you cold? Make up your mind.
Gin-san, aren't you going to say anything to me? Are you ignoring me?
Sure. You look fine. Cute.
You dropped your leather jacket.
Oh, thank you.
What the?
She's here!
Why're you dressed like the One-Eyed Dragon?!
[Note: Reference to Dokuganryu Masamune, a famous warrior.]
Sorry I'm late.
Tae-chan said a group date is like a battle between men and women.
So I came prepared.
What is she expecting the men and women to do?
She really has no idea what a group date is.
Oh, Kyu-chan, you go so overboard. I didn't mean it like that.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I had a tough time, Gin-san, because you said to bring some cute ones.
Right, girls?
Huh? Just a minute. Aren't we missing the cute guys?
Come on, Otae-chan.
You said there'd be some handsome ones.
They're fully armored, but in another sense!
She's got us completely surrounded by foot soldiers!
They're worse than foot soldiers. They're...
zombies soldiers!
You never bring anyone cuter than yourself.
Use zombies to make you stand out! A strategist...she's a strategist!
Looks like we're the ones who didn't know how frightening a group date could be.
We are, without a doubt, on a battlefield!
January 11.
Today, as always, the proper Young Master is noble, dignified and lovely.
The Babel warriors stand to fight over a single young woman.
However, their destination...
The filthy Babel appeared much too tall.
What will become of the Babel warriors?
The outcome, after the commercial.
Huh? Wasn't this a journal?
Anyway, as for me,
I remembered about the curtain rail for the curtain and headed for Loft.
Thank you for choosing our Yamatoya houseboat today.
On our special course, you will be able to enjoy the view from up in the sky.
What do you think, everyone?
Isn't a costume party in the sky quite something?
You got it wrong.
This is a group date.
Here's what happened in the first half.
Kyubei, an unfortunate child, was born a woman, but raised as a man.
Her steward, Ayumu Tojo brought news of Kyubei's frightening plan,
the building of the Tower of Babel,
open parentheses attaching a penis close parentheses.
In order to prevent this, the Babel warriors,
open parentheses warriors with penises close parentheses
rallied together in an effort to reawaken Kyubei's female sexuality and organized a group date.
The men who gathered for the event were already injured parentheses stupid in the head close parentheses.
In addition, more women, other than Kyubei, gathered.
Can the Babel warriors protect Kyubei's (beep)?
And the fate of the Earth...who cares?
Right now, the final holy battle for the men is about to begin!
It's so oppressive...
What is this oppressive mood?
Gin-san, why won't anyone talk?
Aren't they even going to introduce themselves? Is it okay if I start?
Don't make a thoughtless move!
While the men should certainly take the lead here, if you do...
Okay, there are a lot of familiar faces, so let's start with self-introductions.
If you start things like that, you'll end up in charge of the party, whether you want to be or not.
Even when everyone is enjoying the conversation...
Okay, the second party will be karaoke.
I'll make the reservation.
No, you can't join in.
Or else the opportunity to woo Kyubei will be forever lost.
Bear it for now.
Someone will always start things because he's unable to bear the silence.
But Gin-san this uncomfortable silence to a helpful guy like me is...unbearable.
Be strong! You're not the only one suffering.
Somebody talk!
I don't want to be in charge of the party! Please... I'll give you 300 yen!
Excuse me.
There's something I'd like to ask you.
Zura!
Thank you. So you'll accept the thankless job?
A self-introduction or anything will do-just get things rolling.
Who in the world am I?
He's not introducing himself-he's questioning his existence!
I have no memory since a few hours ago.
Why am in a place like this? Where is this place?
How would I know? Why are you here, anyways?
["A horse stepped on you earlier so probably since then..."]
I vaguely remember...I was doing a rap or something, but that's all I can recall.
What is this freakish creature?
The truth is, I'm just like you.
All I can remember is cutting the front of my leather jacket.
Who am I?
I seem to remember...I had something to do with protecting the peace on Earth.
Don't go making up memories on your own.
What a coincidence.
I, too, have a feeling that I was protecting the peace on Earth.
You, too? We seem to get along.
Coincidence not! You two are enemies!
Maybe we worked together.
Come to think of it, it doesn't feel like we've just met for the first time.
I feel as though I've been following you for quite some time.
Hey, hey. Looks like this discussion among guys who lost their memories is heating up.
This isn't good, Gin-san. The women have begun talking amongst themselves.
This has turned into a situation where the men and women have completely split up
and are separately having their own good times.
This is bad.
This is no longer a group date.
It's lunchtime in grade school.
The desks are put together, but there is no conversation between the two groups.
The gaps between the desks are deeper than the Mariana Trench.
Gin-san! If this continues, we'll never be able to go over to the other side!
We have to quickly do something.
Gin-san!
Kyu-chan, that's not good.
You've left all your mushrooms.
I don't like them. Their shape makes me feel sick.
That's!
Hey.
Give me those mushrooms.
So wasteful! I'll eat them. Give them to me.
He jumped!
He's the only one who can cross the gap between the desks without a second thought!
The school boss!
His vulgar behavior rains down on both the boys and girls without discrimination.
His crude kindness shines like sunlight on both the boys and the girls.
C'mon, hurry. The teacher will see you.
Thanks.
The gap closes...
before their very eyes..
You shouldn't pass food between chopsticks!
[Note: There is a Japanese superstition regarding passing something to another person using chopsticks. This is because such practice is only used when picking up cremated bones.]
Wha....
What?! That gap was closing, but now it's...
That's...
The class president!
The only one who can control the class boss...the class president!
That's very poor manners, you two.
You're way worse!
But this is bad.
Even the class boss can't hold his ground against Otae-chan,
the class president and captain of the kendo club with her skills and good looks.
He was just about to befriend the cool, boyish transfer student,
Yagyu-san, but now Yagyu-san's heart has drifted away!
At this rate...!
They're...!
Things are heating up.
Could it be you're jealous, Otae-chan?
The Ugly Sisters!
They're a group of she-leopards who have twice the interest in love, but half the opportunities.
So they go around sticking their noses into everyone's love affairs and messing them up.
So is this your type, Otae-chan?
No. That's not what this is about.
This is bad.
The class president is out of touch when it comes to love. Can she handle the pressure?
The desks are moving apart!
The chasm between the boys and girls is growing larger!
There's no other way-I have to do this. Even if it means a fight.
They must continue talking.
That's enough, girls! That's what you all say.
But the truth is, you all like Gin-san, don't you?!
That's...
not true.
This is the pits! What terrible fact did you dig up in all this confusion?!
Wait...I was...after the one with one eye...
Oh!
Ouch. There you are.
Oops, I banged my glasses on my book.
That's...the bumbling librarian!
The bumbling woman who always watched the class boss
reading health and phys ed books from the shadows of the library.
She's the masochistic librarian!
Huh? Were you talking about me?
Oh no! I should've been more specific-one eye with black hair.
Well?
Looks good. Like a rocker.
Shall we try it together then?
What're you doing-ignoring the women?!
We were probably blending rap and rock to sing for peace on Earth.
We can't rely on the government or revolutionaries.
We have to win true peace through song.
What're a police officer and the Anti-Foreigner Faction leader talking about?!
One, two, three, four...
If you're gonna do it, do it now. Zura.
Joi is Joy. Joy is Joi.
Divine punishment comes to kill you!
Just a minute! Wait.
I don't get it! It's hard to play along. What's this with Anti-Foreigner Faction?
I don't know why, but I'm tearing up.
Wh-What's this?
They've fought for years, punched each other out,
and understood each other, playing soccer with a baseball.
The captains of the baseball and soccer teams.
That's why I'm telling you "Official police bust" is better than "Divine punishment"!
That's too long! How am I supposed to sing to "Official police bust"?!
Official police bust!
Divine punishment!
Official police bust!
Divine punishment!
Official police bust!
Divine punishment!
Official police bust!
Divine punishment!
Official police bust!
Divine punishment!
Official police bust!
Divine punishment!
The boat!
Forgive me, but I'll need you to behave yourselves for a bit.
They say a man and a woman who share a frightening experience often fall in love.
They mistake the violent pounding of their fearful hearts for the throbbing heart of affection.
Young Master!
I will never allow you to build a Tower of Babel!
We're going to die!
What's going on? Did we get into an accident?!
Hey, that's...!
Kyubei-san!!
We have to save her! But how?
Pachi-san! When a woman makes up her mind, she can fall for someone just like that!
So go!
Me?! No way! No way!
There's no way I can do it either, stupid!
I've got to try!
Kyubei!
I'm coming to save you! Hold on a bit longer!
No! I can't stand to be touched by a man!
[Note: Kyubei has an involuntary violent reaction when a man touches her.]
This is no time to be saying that!
This man! He tried to save me, even as he was being thrown off...
You touched me.
That was rash! Did you believe I would extend my hand?
I didn't think you'd touch a man unless I did something like this.
I thought I went through a lot of trouble for nothing.
But no...this is a lovely woman's hand.
[Gothic Lolita Kimono Specialty Store]
So this is what you were looking at.
Young Master, I will be with you forever.
[Preview]
The next episode...
Hey! What is this?! It's pitch dark!
Hey!
[Gintoki suddenly finds himself plunged into darkness.]
[What is this place? Next time: "What Happens Twice, Happens Thrice."]
Anti-Foreigner Faction is Joy. Lyrics and music by DJ. Ozura